Honour thy father and thy mother. Amen.
Thou shalt do no murder. Amen.
Today we examine the first two of the commandments that deal with our relationships with others. The first one has to do with what for most of us are our primary relationships; those with our parents. Honour thy father and thy mother.
This commandment has caused untold problems for people of faith. In some traditions the understanding of the word ‘honour’ is that everything your parents say or want has got to be obeyed. In other forms of the Christian faith, more time is given to understanding just what this word might mean for us.
The first thing I think it means for us is that we should be thankful for our parents. Amidst difficult and changing relationships, it is quite easy to forget to be thankful for our parents. Parents are a gift from God given us to model and exercise the goodness of authority and love. Even when parents fail — as we know they certainly do — we can be thankful that they gave us life, provided for us, and almost always desire the best for us. These things give us cause for thanksgiving, and perhaps we should more frequently stop to give thanks to for our parents and to express our thanks and love to our parents for their love and care.
For some people it is a real problem making the transition into adulthood. Some have had wonderful relationships with their parents and find it difficult to take on more responsibility and independence for fear of hurting their parents’ feelings. Others find it difficult to honour their parents because their parents have not been good examples, or wise counsellors, or available to them when needed.
Still others in their late teens and early 20s would say that they have never really had a relationship with their parents, so this transition may appear easier.
The wider culture of today’s world values independence and autonomy above most other things, sometimes including respect for others. This message is everywhere, from adverts promising you can "have it your way" to teenage-focused TV sitcoms that deliberately relegate parents and authorities to either the status of clumsy, hopelessly out-of-date nit wits or phantom-like incidental characters irrelevant to the lives of the young people. In this setting they go about in their premature explorations of adult themes and situations.
The world pictures adulthood as a time of unfettered liberty and limited responsibility, a time when we indulge our desires without fear of repercussion. It's a time when responsibility is to be avoided and pleasure pursued. If we are to honour our parents we should develop an understanding of adult freedom based on the teaching of our faith. The Christian man or woman is a person who takes responsibility for others and uses their freedom to benefit others, not their selfish, often fleshly desires. St Paul tells the congregation at Galatia "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love" (Gal. 5:13). St Peter had similar words, "As servants of God, live as free people, yet do not use your freedom as a pretext for evil. " (1 Pet. 2:16). So the key question during the transition to adulthood is: Am I using my freedom to serve God and others, including my parents, or am I using "freedom" as an excuse for selfishness and my indulgence in sin?
Something which could be very useful for our young people as they move into the transition phase of their lives could be that they define the transition to adulthood with their parents. Many of us are familiar with the concept of "defining the relationship" when it comes to courtship and dating. We understand the importance of clarifying expectations, guarding hearts, protecting ourselves from inappropriate desires and liberties. We define the relationship so everyone is clear about the terms of the relationship and no one gets hurt. A similar approach might be helpful between our young men and women as they grow towards independence and their parents, who still maintain responsibility and oversight in their lives. It would be wise to sit with parents and define some particular goals for this transitional period and clarify some expectations. Ask them to point out some strengths you might have and some areas that need to be cultivated along with some areas where more maturity might be useful.
The best way in which we can honour our parents is to live a transparent life with our parents. Are we ever really honouring our parents by keeping secrets from them?" Increasing independence is not a synonym for increasing distance or secrecy. We honour our parents, and we protect ourselves, when we grant them access to our lives. If during the transition to adulthood we find some issues we are afraid to share with our parents, the chances are that those issues are displeasing and dishonouring to both God and our parents. This final point is one which can apply to all of us, no matter what our ages.
Our second commandment is “Thou shalt do no murder.”
The AV of Scripture translates the imperative word in this commandment as ‘kill’, but our Book of Common Prayer has the term which most modern translations prefer – murder.
Seen as an admonition against murder, the sixth commandment often forms the philosophical foundation for arguments against suicide, capital punishment, abortion, euthanasia, war, and any other situation where one person might be inclined to take the life of another.
A growing number of scholars now agree that the term for killing in Hebrew that is used in the Ten Commandments is never used in Hebrew Scripture to refer to the type of killing that takes place in a war. Hebrew language scholars agree that killing in war is different and not covered by this use of the phrase "to kill." If one soldier is angry with another from his or her same army and shoots him or her, even in a battle, it would still be murder.
To kill an enemy in the context of a "just" war is not directly covered in this commandment. A majority of the world's religious traditions make the distinction between killing and murder. There are generally some criteria for the "just" war that, depending on the world tradition, generally reflects doing the work of God and/or serving the needs of justice in the world order.
Historically this commandment has been used as the foundation for an argument against going to war, by persons wishing not to serve in such a human conflict. However, to effectively argue this point biblically requires other, far stronger passages to support the argument.
John Calvin, the Protestant reformer of the sixteenth century, summarized the meaning of this commandment by saying "that we should not unjustly do violence to anyone." The Book of Numbers clarifies that which constitutes murder as stabbing or hurting another in anger or enmity, or killing another person for personal gain.
Suicide, or the murder of one's self, is the next common application of the commandment. It is understood that God has placed the soul within an earthen vessel that needs to be taken care of. This would suggest that the human body does not simply belong to the person, but rather that the soul which is housed the body belongs to God. The sin of suicide is also the only sin for which we cannot repent – sorrow for sin has to be expressed while we are alive.
Abortion is possibly the most controversial of the ramifications of "Thou shalt do no murder." Both those who are pro-life and pro-choice would agree that it is murder to take a life. However, the heart of the dialogue is the controversy as to when life begins. On this point the Bible is unclear. In our life of faith we do however, make the beginnings of an answer to the question of when life begins. Later this month we will be keeping the feast of the Annunciation. From the point of his conception, Our Lady was involved in the mystery of the Incarnation.
Murder involves killing unlawfully with premeditated malice. It involves a deliberate, planned, pre-mediated attack against a fellow human being for the purpose of taking his life for reasons that are purely sinful.
The Ten Commandments were given to offer order in social relationships on the understanding that, at the heart of all relationships, love is the model that is to be held up as ideal.
May the God of love, who guides our relationships, bless us and keep us in his love through the days of the week ahead.
